


Last Minute Shoppers

by notmyyacht



Series: Me and My Weird Crossover Ships [2]
Category: The Rocky Horror Show - O'Brien, The Wolfman (2010)
Genre: Broadway revival!Riff Raff, Christmas Fluff, Crossover Pairings, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, for both of them, rating is mostly for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:05:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2842322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notmyyacht/pseuds/notmyyacht
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lawrence and Riff Raff go Christmas shopping and shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Minute Shoppers

**Author's Note:**

> Yay for this crack crossover ship I can't seem to shake! 
> 
> Just FYI, yes we are talking about Benicio Del Toro!Lawrence Talbot and Raúl Esparza!Riff Raff. I know, I don't know how I started shipping it. It started out as a joke and now here we are.
> 
> Please do not try anything you're about to read while shopping. This includes the candle licking. I see you candle lickers out there.

The moment the two stepped through the automatic mall doors, Riff Raff's eyes bugged wide and his jaw dropped in awe. Lawrence knitted his brow and slightly drew back in repulsion.

It looked as if Christmas had vomited on every surface: the fronts of shops, the railings, the escalator; everything was covered in wreaths, giant red bows, depictions of Santa Claus, fake snow, etc. Holiday music that was being played too loudly mixed with the buzz of shoppers.

When the holiday season began, Lawrence was both happy and embarrassed to see it. Strange to see how big the holiday had become. In the past, Christmas usually meant cast parties with dirty jokes, shameless foolery, and hard liquor. He liked Christmas. It was one of the few things that did not come with bad memories of his childhood. Since then, Lawrence had time traveled a hundred years into the future and met an alien from another planet.

During Riff Raff's time on Earth he had yet to experience the Christmas season. He actually had been looking forward to it during his first time on Earth, but he and Magenta left before December even started. To say that Riff Raff was now excited about Christmas was an understatement.

"Coming here was a mistake," Lawrence muttered, ready to run out. Riff Raff wasn't listening; he was too distracted by the overwhelming amount of holiday cheer.

Next to the escalator was a large, decorated tree with too much tinsel on it that was tall enough to reach the second floor.

"Look Master!" Riffy snatched Lawrence's wrist and dragged him to the foot of the tree. Riffy looked up at it and bounced in his spot. Lawrence looked up at the tree with less interest. The fake pine smell made his nose twitch and the blinking lights were irritating him more than they should.

"Riff, it's not a real tree."

Riff Raff ignored the comment and spotted a large, round silver ball with a glitter swirl pattern over it. He was tempted to reach up and paw at it. Lawrence followed his gaze to the ornament.

"No, Riff Raff," he grabbed his valet's hand, "not here."

He gently tugged Riffy away from the tree.

"If you don't mind me saying, Master, but if you are so against Christmas, why did you want to decorate the mansion?" Riffy asked as they walked.

"I'm not against it. I like Christmas. It's just this time period... it's so in your face. In the 1800s, Christmas was about family and having a good time with people you liked. From what I've gathered, it's turned into a marketing campaign."

Riffy nodded, feeling a bit more disdain for the over-use of decorations. His shoulders slumped and he went unusually quiet.

That is, until they walked by a candle shop and the holiday special scents overwhelmed their senses. Lawrence cringed, but Riffy immediately perked up. He stopped in his tracks and pointed at the candle store.

"Sugar cookies, Master!" he bolted inside before Lawrence could tell him it wasn't actual cookies that he was smelling. He followed after him.

The candle shop was busy with customers, making it easy for the Transylvanian to disappear. Lawrence was luckily rather tall compared to the other customers. He peered out over the tops of heads. Sure enough, he spotted a mass of black curls over by one of the holiday specials displays. Lawrence pushed through the crowd with little "excuse me"s and "pardon me"s.

Riff Raff had one of the larger Christmas cookie-scented beige candles open. He sniffed it and stuck out his tongue to lick it.

"Riff no!" Lawrence got to him just in time and snatched the candle out of his hands. He put the lid back on and placed it back on the shelf.

"Is there anything earthlings won't make into a candle?" said Riffy, picking a silver candle off the shelf and holding it up.

"It's tinsel-scented."

Lawrence narrowed his eyes at it.

"Tinsel has a scent?" he shook his head and added, "The future is incredible."

 

Not long later the two were sitting in the food court. Lawrence took a bite out of his sandwich, spotting a child out of the corner of his eye who was staring at Riff Raff. The child was sitting with his mother and toddler sister, happy meals on the table in front of them. The little boy stared at Riffy's hair with awe, his weary mother not noticing, but making sure that the toddler was actually eating and not playing with her food.

Lawrence nudged Riffy and nodded in the boy's direction. Riff Raff turned to the staring child, who gasped and looked down at his chicken nuggets. He bravely raised his eyes to meet Riffy's. Riffy softly smiled at him. The boy smiled back.

A moment later, the mother started encouraging her children to finish their food so they could leave.

"Master Lawrence?"

"Hmm?" Lawrence shoved a fry in his mouth, waiting for Riffy to continue.

"Did you ever want children?"

Lawrence thought for a moment.

"I used to," he replied, "I thought that someday I would have children and raise them a hell of a lot better than my father raised me. I wanted to be a good father."

"But not anymore?"

"No. I haven't honestly thought about it since I was cursed. Perhaps it would be best that I never did anyway."

Riffy looked at him with sad eyes.

"You would still be a good father, Master Lawrence."

A smile tugged at the corner of Lawrence's mouth.

"Thank you, Riff, but I don't think a werewolf could ever be a good father. It's far too dangerous."

For a moment, only the buzz of the food court hung between them. Lawrence quickly broke it up.

"What about you? Did you ever want children?"

Riffy shook his head. "It was never one of my top priorities."

"Then I suppose we'll both just have to settle with each other," Lawrence replied. Riffy smiled.

"That doesn't sound like such a bad thing."

 

Lawrence and Riff Raff stood outside their destination in revolted disbelief. The shop -appropriately titled The Holiday Hoard- was packed with people.

"I suppose you would like to leave, Master. The decorations are not worth it," said Riffy. Lawrence weighed his options and watched the abundant joy that Riffy was overwhelmed with earlier completely fade from his face. Lawrence's chest tightened.

"No," he replied, "we're not going to let a mob wreck our Christmas. Come on, Riff."

They charged into the war zone with fierce determination... and immediately got separated. The Holiday Hoard was even more packed than it looked from the outside. Lawrence didn't even realize Riff Raff wasn't beside him until he reached the lights section. He looked around.

"Riff Raff?"

The crowds were a bit taller than the ones in the candle store, so picking the alien out was far more difficult.

Perhaps this was good, he thought, they could cover more ground this way. He just hoped his companion would get the same idea.

Meanwhile, Riff Raff allowed the crowds to carry him to whatever open space there was. He'd have to run into the werewolf at some point. The pushing stopped when he got to the ornaments section of the store. His head cocked to the side as he observed the various kinds of orbs and figures.

The display offered many different non-Christmas related figurine ornaments. One was of a wolf baying, which Riffy thought might amuse Lawrence, so he snatched it from the display. There was also a purple stereotypical alien wearing a santa hat. It appeared to be made by the same company the wolf was, so Riffy grabbed that one as well. He looked down at them.

They match, he thought with a smile.

His turned his attention back to the basic orbs that came in a dozen per box.

On the other end of the store, Lawrence was staring at the variety of options. His brow knitted as he stood there awkwardly trying to figure this out.

He hadn't expected this to be such a big decision. After all, he wanted to keep it simple. What did twinkling mean? Where they actual icicles? 21st century technology sure has come a long way, he wouldn't be surprised.

Keep it simple, keep it simple. His gaze fell on the last box of basic multi-colored bulbs. Simple. Perfect.

Just as Lawrence reached for it, another hand shot out of nowhere and snatched the box. Lawrence's gaze followed the arm up to a bearded middle-aged balding man, who was a few inches taller than him. The man scowled.

"What?" he said.

Lawrence couldn't believe this. He had gotten there first and was reaching for it. What the hell was this joker doing? But Lawrence was raised with manners and wanted to handle this without an argument.

"Excuse me, but those are mine," he replied. The man started to chuckle.

"Too bad, pal. Should've been quicker." There was something about the man's slimy voice that made Lawrence want to punch him in the nose. He held his poise.

"My friend would appreciate the colored ones more than the white ones and those are the last box."

"Too fucking bad," the jerk sneered, "have a merry Christmas, asshole."

He turned to leave, but Lawrence forcefully grabbed his upper arm.

"Hey, what the fuck-"

"I said, those are my lights," Lawrence growled. The man shoved him back.

"Go elsewhere freak!"

Lawrence didn't have time to make a move. The man was down as soon as the words left his mouth. An 'accidental' push from behind the jerk was enough to cause the man to lose his footing and fall. Lawrence looked to see who the culprit was and thank them.

Riff Raff was staring down at the man with his nose wrinkled. Lawrence bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning. Riffy stood over the bastard, balancing boxes of an arrangement of ornaments in his arms. He bent down and managed to pick up the fallen box of multi-colored lights and add it to the bundle.

The man lay on his back, uninjured, but slightly in shock of what just happened. The people around them stared down at him. Someone giggled. Two people clapped. Another person offered to help the man up.

Riffy walked over his fallen, unmoving body to stand beside Lawrence.

"I wasn't sure which ones you wanted, Master, so I selected a variety," he said. Lawrence smiled at him and started to put the ornaments and lights into his basket.

"They're all excellent choices."

They grabbed a couple more boxes of lights, the basic white ones this time.

"You sure these are alright?" Lawrence asked. Riff Raff shrugged.

"We have at least one box of colored ones," he reasoned, "and I'd rather not get the twinkling ones."

He knew what twinkling meant, Lawrence realized. He hesitated to ask. Was it sad that the alien life form knew more about some earth things better than him? He swallowed his pride. Riff Raff would understand.

"Why are they called 'twinkling lights'?"

Riffy looked him in the eye, trying to determine if Lawrence was joking. A smile broke out across his face. Hope of an understanding of lack of knowledge about 21st century Earth filled Lawrence's chest.

See? he assured himself.

The familiar loud, squeaking laughter coming out of Riffy's mouth stopped him short. He grabbed onto Lawrence's sleeve to steady himself as he tried to control his giggling. Lawrence stared down at him, unamused and betrayed.

 

After what felt like a lifetime in line, the two squeezed out of the store and staggered back into the mall, both carrying large bags.

They quickly went over to the only free bench in sight and collapsed onto it with heavy sighs. Lawrence pulled out a list and pen to mark off everything they bought.

"Looks like we're just about done here." He looked up to see if Riffy was paying attention, which he wasn't. He was once against staring, mesmerized by the mall's decorations.

"Though I suppose we could walk around for a bit, if you want to."

This caught Riffy's attention.

"Oh, Master! Can we?"

"Yes, but we're not going into that Warm Subject store or whatever it's called just so you could waste money on more makeup."

Riffy frowned at the comment, but he quickly got to his feet.

As they walked, Lawrence found the over-played music, sickeningly bright decorations, and festive atmosphere starting to grow on him. He slipped his free hand into Riffy's, entwining their fingers. A light blush warmed Riffy's cheeks and he squeezed his hand.

They didn't go into any more stores and avoided the sample givers outside the doors, parading fake smiles and trying to get people to try the free samples and lure them in with their holiday discounts.

Riffy clenched his jaw and his body stiffened every time they passed a makeup shop. He _was_ running out of his good makeup and those discounts looked so tempting. However, Lawrence managed to pull him away every time.

Then Riffy spotted it, spotted _him_. His eyes widened and he nearly dropped the shopping bag.

"What is it?" Lawrence followed his gaze and saw it himself. Holy shit. There he was. The big man himself. Well, what Riff Raff and a good number of children believed was the real thing.

On a big white board with large, friendly red letters was a sign that read "SANTA'S WORKSHOP: Come Meet Santa Claus!" Beside the sign was a set-up of the front of a fake house. The entire thing was surrounded in with a white picket fence. In the front 'yard' was a coating of fake snow and two-dimensional fluffy animals. A photographer stood opposite the front door and a line of children waited eagerly around the fence. At front door of the house sat in a big red chair, Santa Claus himself.

"You told me before that he was just a fictional character created by earthlings!" Riffy squeaked. Lawrence opened his mouth to explain that it wasn't the real Santa, but it was too late. Riffy was already pushing past protesting parents in line.

"Riff Raff no!" Lawrence gathered up the forgotten shopping bags and rushed after him.

Riffy stood at the front of the line. Tired parents were yelling at him, but he ignored them, his attention focused completely on the man in red in the chair who still had a child on his lap.

They posed for a picture, then Santa helped the child off his lap to join his mother.

Riffy didn't hesitate. As soon as the elf in charge of crowd control motioned 'next', he practically leaped towards Santa.

Santa stared at Riff Raff, his brow raised. The photographer and one of the elves exchanged a look. Riffy stood there in awe, unsure what to say or how to proceed. But Santa Claus stayed in character and laughed.

"HO HO HO, my aren't you big? Come closer, young man!"

Riffy hesitantly did and sat himself down on Santa's lap. Lawrence looked on in horror from behind the irritated parents in line.

"Who does that punk think he is?" sneered one of the fathers who stood in front of him. A mother nodded.

" _My_ kid has never been able to see Santa before," she added, "These are memories that the children are going to keep with them the rest of their lives. That goth creep is a real jerk. Someone get him out of here!"

Lawrence had heard enough. He firmly grabbed the woman by the shoulder and spun her around.

"Listen madam, you don't know him. He's never seen Santa _either_. He's never even _experienced_ Christmas before. Who are you to judge? Yes, he's a little over-eager and I completely admit we should have waited in line like everybody else, but he may never get a chance like this ever again so how could you blame him? This is a memory he'll keep for the rest of his life. So madam, and anybody else who wants to protest someone submerged in the Christmas spirit, kindly shut your trap and let him experience Christmas in the best way he can."

The parents fell silent. A couple stared down at their feet in embarrassment. One of the elves who had listened in was trying to suppress a smirk.

Meanwhile, Riffy was happily taking in this Christmas experience.

"So... Riff Raff?" Santa paused to make sure he heard Riffy's name correctly. Riffy nodded and he continued.

"What would you like for Christmas?"

Riffy thought for a moment. The new makeup crossed his mind, but he had a feeling Lawrence was already getting him that. What could Santa Claus bring him? He glanced over at Lawrence, who was patiently waiting for him on the inside of the fence. Riffy's chest tingled. He leaned in and whispered into Santa's ear.

Santa pulled back and glanced at Lawrence.

"Well, Riff Raff, that is a tall order, but I'll see what I can do."

Riffy's face lit up and he looked over at Lawrence, who smiled back at him.

Santa's eyes twinkled, happy to put some hope in the odd man on his lap. To the side they could hear the photographer asking them to look at the camera.

 

"One of the elves told me that you're not the only adult who has gotten in line in the past. Usually it's university students who do it on dares or those who want to just for fun or nostalgia," said Lawrence as they exited the mall.

"Oh Master, I LOVE CHRISTMAS! We must do this again next year!" Riff Raff was beaming with happiness with a slight bounce to his step.

Lawrence paused.

"Next year?" he asked, "So you'll be staying longer than anticipated?"

Riff Raff turned to him.

"Yes. Yes, I suppose I shall."

A smile spread across Lawrence's face.

"Good."

 

Riff Raff started insisting that they put the decorations up almost as soon as they stepped through the front door. He was halfway to the parlor before Lawrence finally caught up to him and tackled him to the floor.

"Riff, you're getting the snow on your boots everywhere! Just let me..." But Riffy was too excited and squirmed under him.

"Master, we have to put these up! Christmas Eve is almost over!"

"The sun has only just set!" Lawrence managed to get Riff Raff's coat and boots off before the alien wriggled out of his grasp, snatched up the shopping bags and bolted for the parlor.

Lawrence picked up the coat and boots and went to go put them somewhere to dry. On their way back it had started snowing. Lawrence shivered and hoped Riff Raff would start a fire before setting up the decorations.

A loud squeak of a cry drew Lawrence away from his thoughts about warmth and he ran the rest of the way to the parlor.

"Riff Raff!?"

Lawrence quickly scanned the room and spotted the valet lying on the floor, tangled in Christmas lights. Lawrence breathed a sigh of relief and ran over to help him.

 

Not long after the lights were up, the tree was decorated, Lawrence was pouring the both of them eggnog. They sat in front of the fireplace and clinked their glasses. Lawrence slowly sipped his, while Riff Raff downed his own in one go.

He licked his lips and helped himself to a second glass. Lawrence admired their tree and rested his arm on the back of the couch behind Riffy, his fingers mindlessly playing with the ends of his hair. Riffy leaned back so he could get a bigger handful.

Lawrence ran his fingers soothingly through the black curls. He remembered the first time he did this. Riffy did not like it one bit, but it somehow quickly became an endearing habit between them.

"Thank you, Master Lawrence," Riffy spoke up suddenly.

"For what?"

"For taking me in. For actually appreciating me. For... everything."

Lawrence pulled the alien closer and kissed him on the forehead.

"You're welcome."

They fell back into silence again. This time it didn't last very long.

"Lawrence?"

"Hmm?"

Riff Raff subtly shot a quick glance at the ceiling.

"I was looking into Christmas traditions and the hanging of mistletoe was one..."

Lawrence nodded.

"...And kissing under it."

"It is."

Riff Raff looked above them again. Lawrence followed his gaze this time and sure enough mistletoe was attached to the high ceiling, making it was easy to miss unless one was looking for it.

Lawrence opened his mouth to ask how Riffy had gotten it up there without help. He imagined Riffy climbing to the top of the only ladder they owned -a dangerously rickety one that shouldn't be used- and reaching as high as he could to attach the mistletoe.

"Merry Christmas, Master Lawrence."

Lawrence didn't get a chance to return the warm wishing. Riffy pounced on top of him, planting kisses all over his face. Lawrence welcomed it with a laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. It was a lot of fun to write and if I allowed myself to keep going it would be twice as long.
> 
> Have a safe Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy New Year!!


End file.
